Doctor's Offices and gym class

Remember gym class in high school? If you were anything like me, this was not your favorite period of the day. I was never real athletic and so any sense of self confidence or esteem went out the window, or the locker room if you will as soon as I put on those red and black PE uniforms of BHS. Just being in the gym or field or track made me feel just a little...less. It didn't help that some PE teacher who didn't look much more in shape kept calling me by my last name and telling me to run faster and pick up the ball after I missed it. I was so thankful for driver's ed my sophomore year so I could miss an entire semester of gym!

I kinda felt like that again today. Not in a gym class but in a doctors waiting room. I feel sicker than I really am right now. When I was little I kinda liked being sick. Not seriously sick but just enough that would keep me home from school for a day and all of my mom's attention. I don't feel like that anymore. The thought of being sick is not one I welcome. It makes me think of pain and tests and little hospital gowns that truly do not cover all things. It makes me worry... but it also makes me pray. Pray those "Ok, Lord, this is Yours" kind of prayers. Today as I went in for 2 more tests, I just felt littl-er and more vulnerable. And I longed to be the sofa-kind of sick when my mom brought me lunch on the little tray and I could watch Happy Days.

It's easy for me to talk and preach and teach about faith. But it's not so easy when the unknown is in my lap. I wish I could say I always responded with such great faith and smiles and the "everything's going to be alright" comments. But I don't. I think and I worry and I call friends who reassure me. And then in the quiet, I pray. "Ok, God this is Yours. You know what's going on and I am kind of freaking about it. Please take care of this. You're my Father. You've always been and I just need You so near right now."

This past week a friend sent me a card. She has been praying for me and it felt like God bringing me lunch on the couch. I don't have any answers right now but my God is near. And I feel a little...more.