Disneyland and DMV - Part 1

I have a confession to make.

I do not like standing in line.

No, let's be honest, Mary. I despise standing in line.

I do not like waiting. I am usually the obnoxious one sizing up the line trying to see how we can make it go more efficiently. I'm the one watching traffic lines, switching between the two to get in the faster one. I'm the one in line asking the questions. "Is there really someone in the stall?" "I think if you move to that side it will go faster." "I think you have more than 15 items in your basket, ma'am." Yes, that is me. In my pretentious mind, I'm  the Great Fixer of this situation and if everyone would just listen to me this would go much better. Yes, I am that person. Yuck.......:-(

Life in urban society tests this character flaw in me all the time. Our lives are filled with lines and waiting rooms and endless deadlock traffic. I do believe the fates have fun with me in this regard because I certainly, when I am the most impatient, end up behind the broken down cash register or the extreme coupon-er or the overly social woman catching up with her gossip as she checks out her groceries.

Really, I think God is trying to get my attention, again. :-)

Now, I do not believe that the Almighty God of the universe is setting up stalling situations like a puppeteer in order to inconvenience me or teach me a lesson. I do not believe God is that petty or shallow. I do believe though that life in the human world has enough opportunities to learn grace and patience in itself. God has called us to a new kingdom. A new way. He has called us to live in this world more like the redeemed people He wants us to be. Life is just the classroom where He shows us where we can be more of an instrument to tell this world how much He loves us. Achievement and getting to the top and managing life is not the end all. It's people. His creation. That which He loves the most. And because I am a Christ follower, I am called to see people and life with His heartbeat.

Lines and waiting bring out some of the worst parts of me. I can be that immature. I wish I was the one who brought patience and peace in often stressful situations. But I'm not usually that one. I'm working on it for sure. But when those ugly parts of myself come out I feel the ugliness inside and I am embarrassed and ashamed.

Like, for example the young lady who takes names for tables at Rainforest Cafe at Disneyland on Spring Break.....

It's Sunday night and the entire state of California is hungry and wants a table now. She gets the unfortunate task of telling everyone how long they will have to wait until their blood sugar comes back to normal. I was given a "Priority Seating" certificate when I checked into our hotel and was told we'd have to wait just a few minutes. YEAH! But when I got there she told me it would be 1 hour or so and that priority seating cuts the wait in half. The walk in wait time was over 2 hours.

"WHAT? HAVE TO WAIT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FORGET IT!"

And I, in all my justified rage and prideful glory walk away. Imagine figurative smoke coming out around me and then see path of sprawled out people I just stepped on. Quickly and clearly, like the Holy Spirit is faithful to do, I realized what and who I was just then and it made my stomach turn. My kids are now embarrassed and no closer to getting some food in their stomachs. This young lady who I just vomited my impatience on has one more remembrance of jerky people who see her only as a means to an end and that she has to put up with to pay the rent or get her education. But my biggest fear is one day standing in front of great women at a conference or Bible study, speaking about the incredible love of God and how precious we are as His children. Then I'll look out in the audience and see that woman who may be checking out this Jesus person for the first time. She'll see me, the one who ruined her day and spirit, not hear a word I say but remember my idiotic outburst. She will then shake her head and say, "If that's what faith does to people? No thanks." And I've damaged the work of God again.

As I write this morning, a truth about my soul was revealed by a Loving Parent. I still have a broken part of me that believes I must be the defender of my fate in this world. Life wants to take me out. Hurt me. Take advantage of me. I believe subtly the truth that nice guys do finish last. I better take cover.

I wasn't always that way. Somewhere along my journey, from some very real places and disappointments, I've learned that. My eyes changed and not for the better. Some painful friendships, ministries and work situations did not fare out well  and I obviously did not deal with them well and I have learned that lesson. But it's not life's fault. It is mine. I can choose each day how to respond to the bumps and bruises life brings.I have not always responded well. I'm am seeing this morning the armor I have put around myself.  Now in this real world with real messy people, I, being the messiest, respond  with a defensiveness that is not good and certainly is not Godly.

In the quiet right now, when my kids are still sleeping from too much of the Magic Kingdom yesterday, I surrender. I put up the white flag over my inner war. I ask for forgiveness. I ask my Father to heal and change that part of me. I want to be a person of great love and risk. Great adventure and great faith. I want more than anything to move through my one and only life choosing to leave it a little better than how I found it, all for the pleasure of His Smile.

I woke up this morning thinking I was going to write a simple funny blog about waiting and God again in His faithful love has shown me a new place in my heart He wants to redeem and make right.

Deeply Grateful....... :-)