My Offering

This morning as I was hanging in there with my workout before the kids awoke, the workout leader was having us cool down and consider our day. As I sat twisted in unbelievable yoga pretzel moves, she challenged us to give our days back to Christ as an offering. To consider that how we live and love this day will be a gift back to Him. The song playing overhead was in fact called, "My Offering" and so I took the challenge. How will this day today be a worthy offering back to God?

Immediately, my mind went to my kids. How well I love and lead my kids today would be my offering. Now, of course  I was humbled by the challenge, as I have found more than any other arena of my life, being the mom I want to be is a daunting task. A love task, certainly. But daunting and overwhelming. I have been brought to my knees more as a mom than in any other season of my life. Don't misunderstand me, now. I LOVE being a mom and I TREASURE my kids. I just have been made acutely aware of the battles and uncertainties and second guessing parenting can bring. Am I being hard on myself? Maybe. But truly I feel if I mess up this area of my responsibilities, or rather entrustments, not a whole lot can make up for it. SO... as I peeled my right leg off my contorted knee, I prayed a simple prayer. "God, today as I love my kids, this will be my offering back to You. Please help :-)"

The morning went on as usual. We are coming to the last weeks of school and we all are ready for a break in our morning routine. As I was finding underwear and socks from the dryer and searching for the one lost shoe under the couch, Cole woke up in a daze and started to complain that when he moves his legs, all the muscles in his face hurts. Good one, huh? I must say, pretty creative. So gently, I encouraged him to wake up slowly and walk off his face pain and began my urging to all 3 kids to finish getting ready. Cole stood up, started to wobble and began to complain his legs weren't "working". I've seen this lack of enthusiasm for school before in all three of my kids, but Cole was warming up his Oscar award on this one. He's a sensitive and great kid and usually I can work out any hesitation by the time we need to get in the car, but he was unrelenting. He finished getting ready, ate his Cheerios and played a quick game of Wii before we left. I thought, "He's fine. Let's go. "

As we pulled into school, the girls got out and Cosette quickly ran to her classroom. One down. Good. Corinne waited for me to walk her to class and Cole stayed in the car. "I can't go today, Mom. My head and my legs hurt." I told him he couldn't wait in the car and let's walk to class. I reassured him that I wanted him to try to go and if there was any problem the nurse would call me. He wasn't crazy about that response. Then I told him we would go and talk to his teacher and see what she thinks. As we walked to his class first, his eyes filled with tears and he said, "Mom, I can't go. Can't I just go home with you? Can't I have a break today?" Something inside his little head and heart was going on. I asked his teacher to come out and left them together while I walked Corinne to her class. When I came back, he was still outside his class. I told her I thought his dad being gone had taken its toll right now and he might just need a day home today. Mrs. Bellini agreed and sent home his daily classwork.

As we walked to the car, he put his arm around me. And God seemed to whisper, "Here's what you need to do today. Be with My son." Amazingly, his walk was strong and sturdy as we got into the car. The limps of the heart are harder to see.

So on this Cole day, we stopped at 7-11, got a slurpee at 9 a.m. along with a glazed donut. We made a quick trip to Redbox to rent a Wii game and headed home. The entire time, Cole took my hand or had his arm around me. And I was glad. Glad to be able to be there for him in a unique way. Grateful to have been able to see the bigger need and hear His whisper about how to love my kid. Thankful for the grace to help me be the mom I needed to be in the moment.

So today was my offering back to God in the form of slurpees, Wii and a quiet hug from my son.

Not bad. :-)