Christmas 2011 - Life IS like a box of chocolates, with the best stuff always on the inside.. :-)

It's 3 days before Christmas and I'm sitting here in the early morning writing the Quillins' Christmas letter. In the past I've said I've posted it on FB because I want to be so "green" but the truth is I went the simple route this year. And that's OK. I don't always believe that simpler is better,  but this year I am embracing and celebrating that truth. Ecclesiastes assures us that there is "a time for everything". There is a time for extravagance, and I don't mean just the material kind. There is a time of great fullness and packing everything you can into your experience of life. And there is a time for great simplicity, which can be just as rich and fun as the former. If we are honest, we usually embrace simplicity when life forces it upon us. And if we are wise, we will live in it and enjoy it just the same.

That is what 2011 meant to me this year. Simplicity. Struggle. Surrender.

At the end of last year, Matt began travelling a little for a new endeavour with work. Because of the implosion of the construction industry these past several years in Las Vegas, the company my husband works for began partnering with a company in North Dakota with the booming oil business there. In the beginning, it felt like a side note. A casual conversation about some work that was happening in that strange foreign land just south of the Canadian border. Little did we all know that this was the beginning of incredible life change filled with possibility, promotion and TONS of prayer.

I was home caring for our 3 children, volunteering with our church and getting our kids all through 3rd, 1st and Kindergarten grades. That was filling my days enough. I had resigned from Women of Faith a couple months earlier which in the foreknowledge of God was necessary as unbeknown to us, Matt began travelling just a couple weeks afterwards. We would have never been able to both travel and keep our family intact and sane. Well, sane-r :-)

Well in 2011, a little travelling became a regular part of our lives. Matt was overseeing the building of a huge warehouse complete with truck bays, offices and eventually dorm style rooms for the men living transitionally in the rural town of Parshall, North Dakota. The partnership with that company dissolved and Matt was now working full time for their own company, North Country Oil by May. In all honesty, even though the changes came quickly, I didn't feel the depth of them, as I was very full time at home. Matt always came back from his time up there just when it was right. So life continued.

Corinne began Kindergarten last year and now is full time in 1st grade. She is this incredible bundle of joy, energy, toughness and style. A great student but chatty at times which gets her into a little trouble but nothing a quick warning doesn't cure. Corinne danced last year and now is concentrating on gymnastics. She has the fearless personality which I believe gymnastics requires and is having the time of her life.

Cole completed first grade with all "A"s with only one "B" the entire year. I have loved watching Cole walk through his little life. He loves responsibility and leadership. He's very diplomatic and has fairness always on his radar. I think he's going to be a great leader of people with a wonderful work ethic. With Matt gone so much, he has missed our camping trips to the dunes to ride his quads and dirt bike, but we were able to sneak in a couple trips when Matt came home. Basketball was a new sport for him this year and though he's not the fastest on the court or the soccer field, he has found his niche in defensive play and smiles the entire time.

Cosette finished a challenging 3rd grade year with greater confidence and competence. I am so proud of her growth this past year. She continued to dance but now has taken up the flute and truly enjoys it. I can tell because of the amount of time she will practice and try new things with no pushing on my part to practice, which I am thankful! Turning 10 this past November, I have watched her mature and grow in greater ways than ever before. She is really embracing her role as the "oldest". Her younger brother and sister don't always welcome her help, but I do my best to acknowledge her efforts to care about them.

The Quillin kids all were part of Missoula Children's Theater this past spring in "King Arthur's Quest" and loved it. They just finished being a part of our church's Christmas musical as well. Ever since they were little, we've been a "package" deal with them all being so close in age. At times it has felt like I had triplets. And though they are each becoming very much their own persons, we do live life very much together.

Back to Matt and me... :-)

After Matt and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary in May, the very next morning Matt left for 5 weeks to dig in deeper with this new company in ND. It was our first real test being apart for that length of time. On one hand, it was terribly difficult being apart, but on the other we really felt the provision of God for work and we welcomed it. It was difficult for both of us not having him here for school awards and dance recitals and sports celebrations, but again, the constant worry of a declining work industry here in Vegas was being lifted and we felt God's faithfulness to us... again.

Matt came home just 2 days before our family vacation this summer. My parents, Al and Nancy Armas celebrated their 50th anniversary in 2011 and we planned a long overdo family reunion. After a couple of days in Chicago and my kids and hubby experiencing their first Cubs game with a stop at Taste of Chicago afterwards, we loaded up in a couple of SUV's and headed to Emerald Isle, North Carolina where we rented a beach house large enough to hold all of the 21 Armas', spouses and grand kids. You may think that to be very overwhelming, but it was by far one of the greatest family vacations I have ever taken. The richness of us all being together in a beautiful part of the country, watching the cousins play so freely and seeing the legacy of our parents marriage was truly a gift and the best part of our summer.

After getting home, Matt had to get back to work and it was at that time we (or I should say I) realized that North Dakota was going to be a part of our lives for awhile. We packed up and drove to North Dakota by way of Yellowstone and Wyoming to spend a week there for me and the kids to get a first hand sense of what was happening. I wish I could say I had a better reaction to it, but when we pulled into a very rural place where their company was establishing itself, something inside me broke. Seeing the barrenness of the land and the substantial decrease of population, especially women and community, I had huge questions of our life there. Though it was busy with activity with all the new work, this was not a picture-perfect country town I had been envisioning. My hubby could see the culture shock on my face and through my tears, we found a campsite near his work and on a large beautiful lake. We stayed there for a week with the kids playing and me trying to get a sense of this new land. My parents graciously drove up from Chicago and spent the week with us there which was a saving grace for me as we drove around exploring while Matt worked. At night, we came back to campfires and grilling while the kids played outdoors until way past 10 p.m. when the sun finally set in that part of the country.

After a week there, me and the kids flew back to Vegas and life became very different immediately. Matt was now a significant part of North Country Oil, and the underground work of building homes, plus the completion of their company building. Incredible sacrifices Matt has made to provide for us as a family. He continues to work way too many hours with little time off. But he gets up everyday and does that. Love played out daily. In all my doubts and concerns, I have never held that lightly how dedicated he is. So my journey has become how can I best live out my vows and support this man God has given to me.

One thing we knew for sure, we didn't want to do life apart on a long term basis. We didn't know what that meant and still don't exactly, but we began a real prayer journey of this new chapter of our lives. Where would we go? How did we sort out the incredible provision of work, but in a place I wasn't confident we would thrive in? Was this a new adventure and groundbreaking place we were being led to or was this a pit stop to a new place we would eventually dig deep in community? Those are the answers we still don't have the answers for. But we did know that we needed to be ready to pull up our tent pegs and be ready. Faith is truly one step at a time. So in September, we placed our house on the market. That itself is another step of faith as Las Vegas continues to have the highest foreclosure rate and declining housing values, though there are signs of a slow reversal to that. So I spent our fall spending more time talking with home improvement experts and working with contractors than ever before. It was my role to get the kids ready for the new school year and a new season of soccer. We took the kids to the Scandinavian Festival in Minot, ND at the end of September to see Matt and see the land again. The crew of North Country oil has always welcomed us there and though I felt like a fish out of water, they have been the most kind and gracious to me and the kids.

This past fall we lost my husband's grandmother, Grandma Ann. It has been a huge loss to all of us. I have truly never met a more silly, thoughtful, loving, stubborn, faithful woman. She has lived her life celebrating everything God has given to her and everyone God has placed in her lives. We celebrated her life this past December at her memorial in California.

I also had the privilege of returning to Chicago for the memorial of my college roommate's dad, Mr. Dick Brandel. It was a true coming home weekend for me and a welcome time to be a part of great familiarity and sense of home in this uncertain time of our lives. Mr. Brandel, as I always knew him, was an incredible man. He was always my good friend's dad, but there was this simply greatness about him as a servant hearted, wise man of God. I consider it a privilege to have had my childhood and young adulthood blessed by his presence in my life.

So today, Christmas is a lot simpler. The kids were a part of the church's musical again and there is just the tree up with only about half of the usual ornaments on them. The house is a little messier and I'm less stressed. Santa shopping was also different as it was just me. Matt is back late on the 23rd and will be home through New Year's and then the big question mark goes up again of what this year will hold.

But this day, in all truthfulness, I hold unto His Unchanging Hand with a grip like a child holding onto their parent on a roller coaster ride. The ride is full of excitement, unknown turns and a little scary, but He's holding onto us and so we can enjoy the ride knowing we will never be let go. We are surrendered to it and I look forward to what I will write next year :-).

Life IS like a box of chocolates, if I may steal Forrest Gump's iconic line. But I think it is because the BEST stuff is what's on the inside. Love. Faith. Family. And Jesus. Who said He would make His home inside us and take on permanent residence there. It is THIS Jesus we celebrate this year. The baby in the manger who came to an unlikely place to let us know, beyond all doubt that He is here and Love is the reason.

Blessings to all of you, family, friends old and new.

Merry Christmas,

The Quillins
2011

My Offering

This morning as I was hanging in there with my workout before the kids awoke, the workout leader was having us cool down and consider our day. As I sat twisted in unbelievable yoga pretzel moves, she challenged us to give our days back to Christ as an offering. To consider that how we live and love this day will be a gift back to Him. The song playing overhead was in fact called, "My Offering" and so I took the challenge. How will this day today be a worthy offering back to God?

Immediately, my mind went to my kids. How well I love and lead my kids today would be my offering. Now, of course  I was humbled by the challenge, as I have found more than any other arena of my life, being the mom I want to be is a daunting task. A love task, certainly. But daunting and overwhelming. I have been brought to my knees more as a mom than in any other season of my life. Don't misunderstand me, now. I LOVE being a mom and I TREASURE my kids. I just have been made acutely aware of the battles and uncertainties and second guessing parenting can bring. Am I being hard on myself? Maybe. But truly I feel if I mess up this area of my responsibilities, or rather entrustments, not a whole lot can make up for it. SO... as I peeled my right leg off my contorted knee, I prayed a simple prayer. "God, today as I love my kids, this will be my offering back to You. Please help :-)"

The morning went on as usual. We are coming to the last weeks of school and we all are ready for a break in our morning routine. As I was finding underwear and socks from the dryer and searching for the one lost shoe under the couch, Cole woke up in a daze and started to complain that when he moves his legs, all the muscles in his face hurts. Good one, huh? I must say, pretty creative. So gently, I encouraged him to wake up slowly and walk off his face pain and began my urging to all 3 kids to finish getting ready. Cole stood up, started to wobble and began to complain his legs weren't "working". I've seen this lack of enthusiasm for school before in all three of my kids, but Cole was warming up his Oscar award on this one. He's a sensitive and great kid and usually I can work out any hesitation by the time we need to get in the car, but he was unrelenting. He finished getting ready, ate his Cheerios and played a quick game of Wii before we left. I thought, "He's fine. Let's go. "

As we pulled into school, the girls got out and Cosette quickly ran to her classroom. One down. Good. Corinne waited for me to walk her to class and Cole stayed in the car. "I can't go today, Mom. My head and my legs hurt." I told him he couldn't wait in the car and let's walk to class. I reassured him that I wanted him to try to go and if there was any problem the nurse would call me. He wasn't crazy about that response. Then I told him we would go and talk to his teacher and see what she thinks. As we walked to his class first, his eyes filled with tears and he said, "Mom, I can't go. Can't I just go home with you? Can't I have a break today?" Something inside his little head and heart was going on. I asked his teacher to come out and left them together while I walked Corinne to her class. When I came back, he was still outside his class. I told her I thought his dad being gone had taken its toll right now and he might just need a day home today. Mrs. Bellini agreed and sent home his daily classwork.

As we walked to the car, he put his arm around me. And God seemed to whisper, "Here's what you need to do today. Be with My son." Amazingly, his walk was strong and sturdy as we got into the car. The limps of the heart are harder to see.

So on this Cole day, we stopped at 7-11, got a slurpee at 9 a.m. along with a glazed donut. We made a quick trip to Redbox to rent a Wii game and headed home. The entire time, Cole took my hand or had his arm around me. And I was glad. Glad to be able to be there for him in a unique way. Grateful to have been able to see the bigger need and hear His whisper about how to love my kid. Thankful for the grace to help me be the mom I needed to be in the moment.

So today was my offering back to God in the form of slurpees, Wii and a quiet hug from my son.

Not bad. :-)