Last night and into this morning and I find myself..."word-less", (if that's even a word!). That may seem to be a contradictory statement as I find myself blogging...words. But I have wanted to capture this moment somehow..... this is all I know....
Some events have lead me to this place, I think...
a nagging sense that my words to others have seemed empty...
a waiting for some next steps in my life....
a grieving of some things lost in my life...
a powerful, in explainable witness of life change in the lives of over a thousand...
an instruction to simplify a prayer...
a time of worship in community...
Last night I had no words to pray or to say. I had not much to say to others or my family....just wanted to be with them. As I reached for the radio as I drove, it felt loud and noisy and I was compelled to turn it off. When I was with others, if felt like my words were more to create a space and it was much better for me to be quiet and listen to my friend.
I cannot explain this and I will resist trying to. I will stop trying to learn the lesson, to create the practical application. I will resist translating this time into a ministry tool. And I will try to listen.
Listen. Observe. Watch. Engage. Be aware. Those are my "disciplines" today.
Knowing that my God knows my heart and our union is not dependent upon my words.
Knowing that my relationships with those I love most may better be served by my listening life.
Confident that I may see deeper than before.
I don't know. I have no more words.. :-)
